Think before you say something to hurt someone’s feelings. After a few years of friendship, she finally told me that it made her feel wanted and loved when people contacted her first. Not only words said directly to the person, but words said when that person is not around. I was striving to be better in certain areas of my life and I didn’t understand why the feedback had to be so harsh. They were a reaction from another person who wasn’t able to respond, and in turn reacted, however their gnarly and deluded reptilian brain saw fit. “People who love themselves, don’t hurt other people. It's really hard when you hurt someone you love, and it feels awful when someone you love hurts you, but getting hurt is a part of life. In some situations you can help them find the silver lining in some disastrous situation. It is human nature that if you have been hurt you will want to retaliate and hurt others. Turning Off The Gaslight: Surviving Psychopathic Games. Now instead of taking it personally, I recognize it for what it is and love the person anyway. Each of us has lived a unique life. These and other considerations indicate how easily you can hurt the one you love without intending to do so. When you are punished, your sense of guilt seems to dissolve at that moment. If you are hurt, you`re alive. If you think you are unique with your pain and broken heart, look at others: sometimes you see, sometimes you don’t, but no one is spared. This is very typical of people in general — we can only see in someone else what we have in us. So when she said I wasn’t being authentic she was actually thinking that she wasn’t being authentic. Taking offense is pointless. In all situations you can help them move from grief to healing. I had a friend who would never contact me first. Fear of accidentally contaminating food with chemicals or poisonous materials. Even when it is unintended, some people find it intolerable to hurt someone they love. We need to look at the bigger picture and when we do empathy can exist. At times, I choose to love people and keep them in my life. No need to get back to me — just wanted to send some good thoughts your way.” I was even unsure about sending this message because I didn’t want to dishonour her. She was hurting inside and dealing with insecurity about who she was as a worthy human being. When there are people in our lives that don’t want to stop blaming us for their pains. I keep reminding myself this. When there’s nothing left for us to do except to let them go and face the backlash of fury and spite. Sign up for the Thought Catalog Weekly and get the best stories from the week to your inbox every Friday. Let it nurture you, because it will.” – Cheryl Strayed. The mental health community needs to start stressing the idea that when you’re hurting it does not mean you get to hurt others. The sting don’t last forever, the nostalgic moments don’t last forever. Another friend recently backed away from me. Great topic and you did such a wonderful job here discussing both being hurt and hurting others. Because nobody wants to be alone at the proverbial pity party. Therefore, you have made the conscience choice to give focus and fuel to a bad situation that will take you nowhere and give you nothing, but ignorance and pain.” Have you ever gone to a dinner party that you really didn’t want to go to, but rather than call and cancel, you attended the party because you didn’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings? Say something like, “I was really hurt by what you did. Learn about us. #12: When you love people you give them the key to rooms in your heart and this means that when they wrong you, it’s not going to stay on the surface but will hurt you deep in your heart. However we don’t need to stand for it do we?! This was interesting because in my experience as a coach I have learned that this a typical coaching phenomenon — we tell others what we really want to say to ourselves. I sure have. A friend told me she didn’t want to be friends anymore. Now that you have talked it out, do you want to salvage the relationship? Learn more about working with Thought Catalog. My journey with this … Talk with others that you trust about what you did and how you’re feeling after hurting someone. We’ll project as much of it onto others as we possibly can before realizing that they are our wounds and we have the power to heal them. You can change. Treating someone badly is just bad whether you or the other person did it. “With love, you should go ahead and take the risk of getting hurt because love is an amazing feeling.” – Britney Spears. There's a natural law of karma that vindictive people, who go out of their way to hurt others, will end up broke and alone. We are so concerned with hurting others that we will go out of our way to avoid putting someone else in a compromising situation. But for the majority of us, we hurt others because we’re in pain. 37. Stopping someone from hurting you when they don't care about your feelings is difficult because you can't control what do to you. They want to feel better so they will wait until their ego is gratified — that feeling of the ego being filled up enables them to feel positive about themselves. The most hurt and traumatized among us will do anything to protect what little self-respect is left. She was hurt and wanted to feel that I truly loved her. He wanted the decision to leave to be on me so he could walk away scot free. I appreciated his honesty about this and I recognized it as manipulation by someone who was hurting. “Words are singularly the most powerful force available to … However, the mind will always make you guilty again some other time, so that your inner critic could punish you again. It’s a never-ending cycle because you didn’t let go of the underlying feeling of guilt. Hurting people often don’t love themselves enough so they look for love and approval from others. Think about how their pain or situation to have hurt you. To experience hurting the other can create shame, guilt and strong “I am a bad person” feelings. Here are six steps to heal the pain you felt and end the cycle of hurt. It takes strength and courage to take a step back and remind ourselves: Other people’s reactions are not about us, they are about them. But for the majority of us, we hurt others because we’re in pain. These are only a few examples in my life of manipulation from people who are hurting — I’m sure you have many of your own. Only you know which choice is best for you in any given relationship. I will never forgive you … When sharing your own feelings, speak from a place of “I”. Each of us may have experienced being heartbroken. “With love, you should go ahead and take the risk of getting hurt because love is an amazing feeling.” – Britney Spears. This helps you become more … We will not find forgiveness from marinating in our hot bath of angry memories and offenses done to us. Work on forgiving … Sylvester Stallone. Hurt people hurt people, however they hurt themselves more. How Do Bullies Hurt Others? 59. Bible verses about hurting others. They are actually just preconceived ideas projected onto others to protect their ego. Nobody else is responsible – only you and you alone. Hurt people are often self-absorbed with their own pain and are unaware that they are hurting other people They are often insensitive to other people because their emotional pain limits their capacity for empathy and their capacity for self-awareness. Bullies hurt others with their words and actions. Think about how their pain or situation to have hurt you. Remember that hurt people hurt people and it is not about you. Some of us have had life-long stability, and for others walking the path of life has always been wobbly and close to the edge. Bottom line: The go-to coping mechanism hurt people embody is to rationalize their reactions by creating stories that make those actions seem A-OK. “What weakens us is feeling offended by the deeds and misdeeds of our fellow men. Our reactions stem from past experiences that lead us to assumptions that we firmly believe as truth. People unconsciously cast projections of their own self-loathing on to others as a sort of survival mechanism. Words can hurt, but you have the power to control what you say to someone else, so read on for 10 rules to avoid causing hurt … 58. Treating someone badly is just bad whether you or the other person did it. #12: When you love people you give them the key to rooms in your heart and this means that when they wrong you, it’s not going to stay on the surface but will hurt you deep in your heart. #11: Hurting deep inside is one of the signs that you have allowed yourself to love because the only ones who can hurt you are the ones you love deeply. Sometimes a person acts with malicious intent, desiring to hurt you because they don’t like you or they’ve chosen to be offended by you. If I hold up a mirror every time I shun another person or cast blame, I can clearly see that who I’m really angry at is myself. Hurt is something that every one has experienced. No matter what caused you to feel that way and regardless of the impact, it's important to recognize that pain is a part of life. 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