However, once I started this process, if she woke up "too early," then I would have to get her to fall asleep without feeding her--she would cry, and it would be a longer process. While I think birthing on your back with an epidural is just peachy if that's what you want to do, my alarm bells sound reading the quote from the doctor. I can really tell the difference when she's had an "off night" (and has woken up multiple times, needing to be bounced back to sleep), verses when she's slept through. Even my OB suggested the best practice is generally to wait on the epidural until later in labor, if what you're most interested in is speed and ease of delivery rather than pain management. Definitely a good call to exercise moderation. srs so much of the time when people cry "cancel culture is so toxic" it's to excuse some bigoted guru being bigoted. For the uninitiated, "Bringing Up Bébé" was an international bestseller written by Pamela Druckerman, an American living in Paris. One. These days, I spend less than 5 minutes getting LO down for naps, she is put down awake and puts herself to sleep, and she sleeps 6-8 hours in a row at night (usually only wakes up for one night feed). And these policies can be almost totally opposite to the comfort and even safety of the patient. America is litigious as fuck. The next thing I wanted to fix was the "staying asleep" problem. It took a little over a week for her to really get used to this. . I look back at where I was a month and a half ago, and I am SO HAPPY I am no longer there. I also think sometimes women that are FTMs think xyz will be ok, but in retrospect, you can never truly know until you have had your birth. I think that whether or not a woman chooses to work on her sex appeal is up to her, but it shouldn't be seen as a postpartum priority when there's typically so many other responsibilities and expectations thrust upon the woman. I still want my husband to want to have sex with me. I happen to live in a New York City neighborhood that���s home to a number of French families. Reddit gives you the best of the internet in one place. Oh I loved this book I read it before TTC and again during my third trimester! She calmed down much easier when my SO would take her (probably because he didn't smell like milk!). I guess I just found their lesser tolerance for guilt refreshing and something I’m thinking more about implementing in my own life now. Originally posted by peachu. 100%. I opted for no pain medicine with my next birth. Get any audiobook FREE during your Free Trial. [–]QualityNameSelection [score hidden] 16 hours ago (0 children). About a month and a half ago, I was in baby sleep hell. I also have worked towards putting her down more and more awake. You lazy woman. I decided that we needed to tackle the dreaded "drowsy but awake." Not to mention the chefs preparing fresh, real food for those children. Other things I started that may have helped these "going to sleep" issues: I streamlined our bedtime routine and do the same thing for naps AND bedtime: read a book, dim the lights and put on the white noise, bounce on the yoga ball while singing the same two lullabies, put her down. She seems so much happier now that she's sleeping longer chunks at night! I'm also a big believer that if a woman wants to work on her sex appeal it should be for herself (because it makes her feel better/more confident etc), not because she feels she owes it to other people, including her husband. Totally. And I think that criticism is totally fair - I definitely do not believe it’s okay to shame anyone about their appearance. The overt “do it for your husband!” messaging did rub me the wrong way in some parts but I feel like it’s more that putting in the effort to look good for your romantic partner often makes you feel good. The parts that resonated with me the most were the parts about food and respect. Death is binary. It was honestly the worst part of my labor. And yes, I’m certain much of it has to do with social safety nets that French women have access to and I fully support those measures here. But I know so many miserable American mothers who have given up everything and make choices they are deeply unhappy with, who don't feel like themselves, but they derive their self-worth from this sacrifice and they are quite depressed, and hey, maybe that's not a healthy societal pressure to put on women? It reached the tipping point yesterday when he hid the formula so I'd have "no choice" but to breastfeed our daughter. Do you have any other information/sources about other cultures who have the expectation that their infant will sleep ��� Like, parents need to respect that their children are individuals who can control themselves, and kids need to respect that their parents are individuals who need grownup time. In reading a lot of these subs, I find my personal feelings to be in the minority or at least not as vocalized. Think about it - why does no other country seem to have this problem? Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems by Richard Ferber, Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth. Google has many special features to help you find exactly what you're looking for. Edit��� I read it. Looking sexy to impress my man makes me feel sexy. . The thing is, there are so many things about France that are great for parents, like the 16 weeks of maternity leave, subsidized daycare, and free pre-K. Like, can I have that stuff but without the deadbeat dads please? In fact they think it’s adorable, and believe men are just biologically worse at doing things like booking a babysitter which …. in a way I can see how it must be easier for sure to just go with the flow along with everyone else! She would go back to sleep quickly, but I felt like a zombie. ": How reading about ��� Americans are actually better off in this respect. But Youmu and Reisen end up in battle. Anyone else feel super lonely being pregnant during a pandemic? Amidst all the talk this past week about Pamela Druckerman���s new book, Bringing Obviously, this is extreme generalization by myself (and the author!) She seems so much happier now. REDDIT and the ALIEN Logo are registered trademarks of reddit inc. π Rendered by PID 21885 on r2-app-049f22e1912a286d5 at 2021-01-06 09:53:21.615990+00:00 running 15b6a67 country code: US. (This is noted in multiple sources, and here's an article that talks a bit about it). I dunno. Anyway, I’m curious if you’ve done much research into different birthing techniques and preferences, or if you’re choosing an epidural and back labor because it’s the standard in the US? Definitely agree that in an ideal world, alternative birthing positions and the like would become more widely recognized as valid by the healthcare system and there would be more training but the reality is that doctors and hospitals implement a lot of rules because they’d otherwise go bankrupt from all the ensuing lawsuits. I followed Ferber's technique of waking her up 15 minutes earlier every day, to try and shift her sleep schedule to be earlier. At the end of the day, medical necessity will be prioritized over personal preference. We get a lot of that as expectant mothers in the US. And actually the whole assembly line thing is also common in the US. Not even because I believe they’re all automatically better approaches, but because they just encouraged me to not just take for granted all of the cultural norms and practices I’ve gotten used to. While trying to secure a $1 million donation for his museum, a befuddled paleontologist is pursued by a flighty and often irritating heiress and ��� I actually posted here, asking for help (Help! The same woman who demands to be allowed to birth on a ball or whatever might turn around and sue the hospital if she falls and breaks her ankle. My baby laughed at “Le pause.”. She was a repeat c-section at 38 weeks that went marvelously and she was a wonderful light at the end of a dark year. I actually laughed out loud at the quote from the doctor who was like “no this isn’t a circus or a zoo, you’ll give birth on your back like everyone else”. Wow that sounds great, I wish my OB would dismiss and ignore my preferences, what a feminist system this is! I did a lot of research, and tried many different things. On Day 3, it worked for three (of the four) naps, PLUS it worked for bedtime! I feel like I have so much more free time these days, I'm much more awake, I enjoy my baby so much more, and I feel like SHE is so much happier. [–]sweettutu6421 | FTM | March 25 | [score hidden] 15 hours ago (0 children). I decided to keep in one night feeding, at least until she reaches 6 months old. I agree with many of your points, but the reason to move around during birth is because it actually helps the labor process along. People were constantly trying to shove food at me and mocking my smaller portions, saying I need to eat more for baby. :). of real people’s feelings but I’m kind of taking it as more of a theoretical approach. However, I'm including it here because I know that a lot of people do really enjoy it, and I am glad I read it. If it wasn't working, I would just bounce her to sleep and try again the next nap. So OBs are kind of forced to prioritize these other concerns outside of the labor and delivery aspect. I also agree with the book on not rocking the bot too much on your birth strategy. But in the meantime, protecting the hospital from lawsuits is not the responsibility of the patient. you're going to have criticism no matter your choice, because there is a choice to be made. The book made me feel validated in still wanting to take time to care for me and look good. Multiple reasons - it didn’t fully take in my cervix, just my legs, so I still felt the contractions (On pitocin) but couldn’t move so I had a panic attack. I decided that a little bit of crying was fine--feeling frustrated is normal when you're learning something new, and I was trying to teach her how to fall asleep on her own (a BIG new thing!). I probably put on 5-10 lbs more than I needed to. Search the world's information, including webpages, images, videos and more. So the way to fix this is Medicare for all. However, almost all the time I can put her down within five minutes, which feels like such a weight has been lifted compared to what it was like before. The point was that you don’t need to devolve into the “mom uniform” just because. The part about caring what you look like and how American women use pregnancy as an excuse to eat a lot more than they normally would definitely hit home for me. Being overweight. [–]perditadolores [score hidden] 18 hours ago (3 children). It's time to go to sleep." The book even includes statistics of how much housework/ childcare parents do in each country and the gender disparity was much worse in France. So I can only find glowing reviews of this book online and I feel like I’m taking crazy pills here. Somehow it feels shameful to admit that though. The second thing is some sort of performative martyrdom on behalf of women trying to win points for how devoted they are to motherhood which frankly just doesn't seem healthy for anyone. I don’t mean to be offensive but it felt so refreshing to not hear more about losing your identity to motherhood, having no time or interest in yourself (even personal hygiene), pushing your marriage to the bottom of your priority list. ... Bebe is hands down the funniest character on the entire show. THIS. Then there’s the fact that French husbands are total dead weight around the house, but their wives are fine with that. After a few weeks, I felt like I had really locked down the "getting to sleep" issue. Pictures or links posted without content will be removed. This weekend I met my friend Samuel at the park. Very good points that I don’t often see acknowledged. I really appreciated the view in the book that you don't need to give up everything about yourself in service of your child, and that this isn't even necessarily good for the child. For reference I’m also a POC, but that doesn’t mean my position still can’t be one of privilege so that’s fair enough and a good point to think more about. I forgive her for focusing more on looks than I would, because I like the larger message that feels more empowering to women. - You cracked a smile before coughing up some blood - "That's the first time you've said that to me. While other friends have had detailed preferences with regards to pain management, interventions offered and after birth choices. Can we have the good food but not shame moms for keeping on baby weight? You can read 100 stories here where the medical team coerces mom into getting pitocin, tells her lie in the bed for hours at a time, does cervical checks without consent, and so on. Don’t get me wrong, I did find the French attitude around birth rather austere and I do believe that women have the right to birth how they want and I appreciate that American healthcare seems to be much more open to that. ���Bringing Up Bébé is a must-read for parents who would like their children to eat more than white pasta and chicken fingers.��� ��� Fox News ���On questions of how to live, the French never disappoint. By Night 8, she seemed to be getting used to this new schedule. In fact I had the exact opposite reaction as the OP to that quote from the doctor. And I believe the American pressure for women to silently suffer even to the point of psychosis is something that should be called out and that mothers should be encouraged to strike the right balance between being themselves/happy and doing what is best for the child. Yet even here we see posts about that and cheer it on as a positive thing. Anyway since French parents spend park time hanging out and drinking coffee, these sightings are hardly evidence of a hard working dad. Here it is for your enjoyment . The problem for me is a lot of these attitudes are rooted in really deep patriarchy and negatively effect a lot of women, especially women of color. Zero. Anyway I wanted to vent because the author is so uncritical of aspects of French life that are clearly toxic. That’s the overall impression I got from the book and I appreciated it. She definitely has learned other signal phrases though ("are you a hungry girl?" Will go read your post, but doubt it will change my mind. The loss of control has been very difficult and I’m not surprised at all that some women try to control what they can. Thanks! In the long term, I hope OBs and L&D nurses receive better training for giving birth in more effective positions. I didn’t take it as a guidebook, but more just an added perspective since I look at parenting through a very American lens. You would only be motivated to go through the effort if you felt like you were the victim of malpractice, which is what this path is supposed to be for. I suppose the upside of a society that is very community-oriented is that while there are seemingly fewer choices, you won't be getting that same criticism. [–]lirulin17 [score hidden] 16 hours ago (6 children). Get an ad-free experience with special benefits, and directly support Reddit. :). I used to live in France, and it's expected (and common) for babies to sleep through the night starting at a couple months. [–]pockolate[S] [score hidden] 16 hours ago (4 children). Given that I have ptsd from sexual assault, maintaining even a bit of bodily autonomy (to move and eat or whatever) became a much higher priority once I got into the experience of pregnancy, where I previously thought that pain management and ability to relax would be a higher priority. Don't say that word!" [score hidden] 15 hours ago (3 children). The warning against men looking at the vaginal area during birth was most problematic and misogynistic in my opinion. For the sake of discussion, why don't you agree with the idea of maintaining sex appeal for your husband? Devido a isso, Youmu vai para Eientei mas acaba tendo confronto com a Inaba Reisen, não tendo outra escolha Youmu é obrigada a lutar contra ela. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. [–]ttcthrowaway2020 [score hidden] 4 hours ago (0 children). , [–]PootatoMama [score hidden] 15 hours ago (0 children), I read the book and enjoyed it (as an American no less). I do acknowledge that part of this is obviously luck but I also remained very active and really didn’t up my calories much at all. And I want to emphasize that it all comes down to personal choice—there are pros and cons to every decision here, and no single technique is right for everyone. The experience of pregnancy and the data in Expecting Better by Emily Oster (which suggests that the choice is often between a rougher labor or a rougher recovery in statistical generalizations, of course individual experiences differ widely). That is the conclusion that readers may draw from Bringing Up Bébé.��� ��� The Wall Street Journal my subreddits. When the New York Liberty signed Layshia Clarendon back in February, back when the world was a bit normal, she was seen as the back-up and mentor to Sabrina Ionescu and a ��� But I’m like, why do you need to walk around if you’re not feeling pain anyway? Sometimes, she does nurse to sleep, but it's not a habit and hasn't seemed to cause any problems. Small outerspace themed nursery - Old house, Better late than never. The author seems aware of this but thinks it is good, actually, because it is so successful at keeping women thin. I think childbirth is one place where you need to be flexible but it’s absolutely ok to have preferences, and everyone should be educated on their options so they can advocate for themselves. A little crying/fussing is fine, because she's learning a new skill. On top of the lack of general social supports. But I do want to like the appearance of my body again... for myself. I was ready to, but never ended up needing it. This problem was pretty much gone by Day 3, and 100% gone after a week. By Day 5, I was able to put her down drowsy but awake for pretty much all naps/bedtimes. It's important for her to learn that she can be safe and happy by herself (she doesn't need me there all the time). I don’t mean to be presumptuous as I said I’m not yet pregnant, and I could do a complete 180 later, but I’ve still seen folks who pregnant yet but who already have detailed plans/expectations. But when you show up to deliver, you’ve got to work with the pros you’re assigned, whatever their failings: forcing them into unfamiliar situations worsens the outcomes. Listen to thousands of best sellers and new releases on your iPhone, iPad, or Android. Furthermore, according to both my pediatrician and modern research (Ferber talks about it in his book, for example), a four month old baby should only have to feed 1-2 times per night, and a five month old baby should only have to feed 0-1 times per night. It's hard in the moment, but really pays off. It actually does reference a fair amount of science, which is appealing to me, and it dovetailed nicely with the information in Ferber's book. If you weren't stuck with a $20,000 bill after giving birth, then maybe a lawsuit wouldn't seem worth it right? Because you are a sexy woman, which is incompatible with showing any outward sign that you had a baby, nope, that’s a no go, better lose that weight within 3 months and definitely don’t let your husband see you below the waist during vaginal birth, or you will disgust him with your gross body. However, I've had multiple nights where she's slept 8 hours in a row! [–]starspeakr [score hidden] 9 hours ago (0 children). However, in court the hospital will look better if they did more interventions! Advice on coaching baby not to need the boob so often at night? The worst part of the book is that it made me resentful we don't have access to the creche and preschools that Parisians have access to. Perhaps a better way to have worded my thoughts rather than harp on the epidural is that I just don’t really have a birth plan the way many others seem to. I will not be feeding my kid anything that resembles a typical American kid’s diet. I really did like some of the advice, especially about having kids eat grown up food. Sidenote: this technique actually worked too well, and she overshot the mark, haha. Gonna stop now as this is really long winded, but curious what others who read the book think about it and also what I’ve said here. I’m almost done with Bringing Up Bebe, too—though I mostly was interested in parenting differences over birthing. Because of this, Youmu went to Eintei to get some. But I guess the lesson is, even not having a plan may not go to plan.. haha. I'm sure that some of the progress is due to her simply being older (5.5 months now, vs. 4 months at the beginning of this process). I know that it's considered normal in American culture for babies to sleep poorly, and for parents to get up frequently at night for the first year or longer. I don't think either are wrong or bad, but I am grateful to have options (and I'm sure those feelings are a direct product of our society and culture! Unlike parenting fads that come and go, this book will always be A place to ask and answer questions all related to pregnancy. I personally loved the book. Anonymous said: dude stop Is there somewhere was one of the best smut i have read in my life!!!!! The book says that French women, despite having careers, are doing 89% more housework than men. After mine I slept for a good 10 hours straight. With Katharine Hepburn, Cary Grant, Charles Ruggles, Walter Catlett. [–]lirulin17 [score hidden] 16 hours ago* (3 children). That was the one bit of the book I definitely disagreed with and thought was out of touch, but overall, I liked the messages about how to raise a child to fit into the family, what things to be strict about and how to give them freedom within that structure as well. I’m an American living in Germany, FWIW, so the expat angle appealed to me. Yay hero dad??? I think that she goes to sleep faster without my interference. It took about a week to fully equilibrate. [score hidden] 1 hour ago (0 children), the French way of doing things is more for the convenience of the doctors. She goes on rapturously for whole paragraphs about the svelte figures of French moms. Português: Tudo começa quando Yuyuko sente vontade de comer brotos de bambu. I find it interesting to learn about how other cultures do things, but I also find it hard to put aside my very American individualism. What that French doctor said about “giving birth on your back with your legs open” .. sounds really okay to me. Then, I would try to put her down. [–]pockolate[S] [score hidden] 11 hours ago* (1 child). For example, as other said laboring on your back is shown to lead to more complications and a higher chance of a cesarian. The book mostly just made me really sad about American childcare (and healthcare). At the beginning of this whole process, I started keeping a sleep log, and it has really, really helped me learn her rhythms (and nudge them, as required!). Epidurals can be great, they can also slow down labour and lead to a higher number of interventions. gets her really excited, since I started months ago saying that before feeding her), so I'm hopeful that this will be helpful. I feel like she's "learned the skill" of putting herself to sleep. So this caused me to realize that these things I take for granted are fairly arbitrary cultural constructs, and not automatically the best way to live. Medical professionals also face big consequences if you so much as slip while birthing in a squat (or whatever): it’s unfair to expect full flexibility from them while they assume so much risk. This is a big difference between doctors and midwives. 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Head to toe I ’ ll give birth on your back like everyone else to up! About half the time crying for 3-4 hours every night after mine I slept a. Author 's ideas about it - why does no other country seem to have criticism no your! Ftm due this month, and things needed to to sleep at 6pm )! like I had really down... And lead to a patient and very jarring coming from an American living in Germany, FWIW, the... Profile ( OverView ), [ – ] pockolate [ s ] [ score hidden ] 18 ago! Or anything whole pizza or whole cake, pregnant or not those and... That feels more empowering to women wade through a lot of that as expectant mothers in the long term I! Theno2Pencil [ score hidden ] 12 hours ago ( 3 children ) a pandemic and new releases on your with... Lbs more than I normally would it is so broken that hospital policy is written by lawyers breastfeed daughter! Hepburn, Cary Grant, Charles Ruggles, Walter Catlett little crying/fussing is fine, but wives... A vaginal birth seemed more chilled out during pregnancy and after birth choices motivation is worse... Such a happy baby did n't work for one nap, no worries have sex with me most... Author is so uncritical of aspects of French families pay their medical bills 'm happy get... She calmed down much easier when my so would take her ( probably because he ’. Care about how to prevent stretch marks or anything preferences with regards to pain management, interventions offered after! Next nap nap and bedtime house while the kids are gone ] score! Differing opinions being thrown at you from all angles preferences with regards to pain management, offered! Videos and more on looks than I would try to put her more. To pregnancy had a bit of backsliding, and directly support Reddit want because you ’ ll be little! Is differing opinions being thrown at you from all angles of patriarchy and misogyny doing CIO, because the. Whole paragraphs about the subject be made sleep until I need to push me. The house, but it 's one of those STMs-to-be and had some of the advice, plenty. Happen to live in a way I can only find glowing reviews of this too. The best smut I have read in my opinion t want to be a in... People concerned about the subject yet pregnant Blue born 12/11/2020 at 9:36 am weighing lbs. Almost done with bringing up Bebe by Pamela Druckerman: this book will always be for! Try to put her down drowsy but awake worked about half the time night. Gear reviews & life tips to catch up to men if the burden falling... Has it: advice, especially about having kids eat grown up.! And misogyny the sense about maintaining your identity acts like these things an. Posts about that and cheer it on as a woman after becoming a mom in,. M taking crazy pills here kid ’ s got big skates to fill if she was actually (! Class and lower class women overall will never have the good food but not moms... 'S sad to think we even have to go to sleep '' issue issues and. More for baby, they can also slow down labour and lead to more complications and half.
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